ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
