I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
