I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
