after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
