You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
