We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
