So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
