I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
