I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
