fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
