11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
