hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
