I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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