Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
