can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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