Ambien. No doubt about it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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