I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we're so committed to being not committed
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