I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We don't watch enough power rangers
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
