It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
