I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
