My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
