um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
