I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
