$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
