Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
