How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You pole danced in your parka.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
