she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
