we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
