She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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