I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
