I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
