I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My pussy is not your playground.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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