The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i now understand why vodka
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
