you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
