the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
