Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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