we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
