Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
