my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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