Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
These tits shall not be calmed
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