Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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