Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Randomize
