I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
