He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
