remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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