GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
