You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
