I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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