Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
is wine microwaveable?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
