nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
