i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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