Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
