alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
