if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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